Not Only You and Me
by agreattimetobealive
Summary: Brittany's time machine backfires and she ends up cloning herself. Chaos ensues, and the clones try to help Brittany and Santana figure their relationship out. Crackfic, Brittany/Santana.
1. Chapter 1

**Not Only You and Me**

Brittany's time machine backfires and she ends up cloning herself. Chaos ensues! And also, the clones are strangely helpful at getting Santana and Brittany together. Brittany/Santana, but also Brittany/Brittany and clone!Brittany/other people, eventually. And crack. Title is from 3 by Britney Spears.

Disclaimer: Not my characters, don't sue me!

CHAPTER ONE

Santana first notices something weird is going on when she see Brittany in the mall. It's not that Brittany being in the mall is weird – she has to buy her extensive hat collection _somewhere, _after all – but when Santana had called her that afternoon to make plans, Britt had blown her off, saying she was super busy. And now here she was at the mall, not looking busy at all.

Santana glares at her across the food court, and when Brittany finally notices her, she smiles and saves, instead of looking guilty like Santana had expected. Well, bullshit. Nobody blows off Santana Lopez – with or with out good reason, especially her best friend. Disregarding all the shopping (or maybe shoplifting, depending on how bitchy the salesclerks were) she had planned on doing, Santana storms out of the mall.

She sulks at home for the rest of the afternoon, before realizing that ignoring Brittany is stupid because Brittany probably doesn't even _know _she's getting the silent treatment right now. She decides she needs to go _tell_ Brittany she's super mad, and plus that way she can slam the door when she leaves, and that'll be satisfying. So she goes over to Brittany's house, and puts on her best bitchy face. Those don't usually work on Britts, like she's immune or something, but it's worth a try.

Santana rings the doorbell three times before Brittany arrives at the door, looking flustered. Santana knows _that_ look, for sure. Her messy blond hair and pink flushed cheeks can only mean one thing: Brittany was getting some. Santana can't believe she has the _nerve_ to be hooking up right now when Santana was sitting at home alone being mad at her. What is going _on _today, first Britt doesn't want to hang out, then she shows up at the mall anyway, and now she's hooking up with...who?

Not even saying hello, Santana storms past Brittany into the Pierce's living room. "Who's here, Britt?" she snarls, growing angrier by the second. "And _why_ did you ignore me at the mall today?"

Britt's blue eyes widen, probably more at Santana's harsh tone than her questions. "I wasn't _at _the mall, San, I don't know what you're talking about! I told you, I had super important things to do."

"Oh _sure. _Super important, like hooking up?"

"There's nobody here but me. And you." Brittany says, but she flushes even more pink so Santana knows she's on the right track.

"Okay, fine," Santana says. "Then it's cool if I head up to your room, right?" She heads up the stairs without waiting for an answer. Bursting through Brittany's bedroom door, Santana is expecting to find Artie in her bed. Or maybe Puck; it _would_ be like Brittany to throw him a sympathy-bang for breaking up with Lauren. Instead, impossibly, in Brittany's bed...there's another Brittany. She has the same flushed, messy look that Britt had had when she answered the door. And she appears to be topless.

"What. The. Fuck." Santana exclaims, and then Brittany appears in the doorway behind her, wrapping an arm around Santana's waist.

"Cool, right?" Brittany asks.

"It's _totally_ cool," the Brittany in bed adds. She sits up, not bothering to pull the sheet around her and hey, she most definitely _is_ topless.

"No, Brittany, what the fuck?" Santana repeats, because seriously, what.

Brittany shrugs. "You remember how I was building a time machine?"

Santana nods; Brittany _had_ mentioned that. Santana hadn't thought she was serious, but sometimes it was hard to tell with Britt.

"Well," Britt says, "I thought it was done. And I have that history report due, so I was going to try to go back to the olden times. For like, extra credit. But it didn't really work. Well, it did, but not the way it was supposed to." She gestures to her double, like that explained everything.

Santana needs to sit down. She tugs Brittany into the room and flops down at the end of her bed, out of reach of the _other_ Brittany, who smiles at her suggestively.

Brittany reaches out and tugs the sheet up a bit. "Cover yourself, honey," she says to her double. "I think your boobs are distracting Santana."

It's not really the boobs that are the problem, Santana thinks, but pretty much everything else, ever. She's having a hard time wrapping her brain around this. "So you built a machine," she recaps.

"Yup," Brittany confirms, pointing to the corner of her room. Next to her closet, Santana notices, is a strange pile of computer parts and bedsheets and wires.

"Okay." Santana wonders if maybe she got drunk and can't remember and is now having some weird hallucination. That almost seems more likely. "You built..._that. _And then you cloned yourself?"

"It was really tingly! But in a fun way," the Brittany in bed answers. She's pulled the sheet up around her like a cape now, but Santana can still see the swell of her breasts through it and Brittany was _right, _it's a little distracting.

"So at the mall today, that wasn't me. It was her," Brittany continues, "and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lie or whatever, but she got away from me. She's super sneaky!"

"I wanted tacos from the food court," the other Brittany adds.

"Okay, I guess that makes sense." Sort of. But there are more pressing issues.

"I was worried, but she came back, so that's good. I mean, she could've gotten lost, and she doesn't even have a cell phone, or a collar or anything!"

Santana decides to ignore that, choosing to focus on what apparently happened next. "So...," Santana waves a hand over the other Brittany and her sheet, "then you came back here and got naked?"

Brittany blushes. "It's not weird, I swear! I wanted to know what it was like to kiss myself, and it turns out I'm a _really_ good kisser." The clone-Brittany beams.

Santana nods. That much is true, Brittany really is a good kisser. And thinking about two Brittanies together, naked...well, it's not exactly the worst thing Santana's ever imagined. "Okay," she says, "walk me through it?" How do you say _hey, tell me more about that naked kissing_ in like, a subtle way?

Brittany grins though, slow and sexy, and Santana knows she got it. Brittany's kind of a mind reader sometimes, and it's super useful when Santana can convey 'hey, let's go fool around in secret' with just a look. "Come here," Brittany says, "and we'll show you." She pulls Santana up to the head of the bed, cuddling closer to the other Britt. This isn't why Santana came over at _all, _but she's not one to look a gift threesome in the mouth. Or something. What? The point is, Santana's not really mad at all any more, but instead strangely turned on, and it's not like she would ever say no to Brittany.

The blond clone leans in and Brittany tilts her head and opens her mouth slightly and wow. It's like watching Brittany make out with a mirror, only way, _way _sexier than anything with mirrors could ever be. The clone breaks away from Brittany and leans toward Santana, nipping at her bottom lip. Brittany maneuvers some pillows around and then they're all lying down, with Brittany straddling Santana's hips, pressing soft kisses down the side of her neck. Brittany's double is licking the inside of her mouth in a way that's almost exactly like how Brittany kisses except not quite, somehow. There are hands all over her, cupping her breast, tangled in her hair, stroking their way down her hips, and Santana moans. She's never been this turned on before, and she still has all her _clothes_ on, stupid layers of fabric between her skin and Brittany's skin. Brittany looks up from licking Santana's collarbone and their eyes meet. Once again the mind reader, Brittany says, "You should be more naked, that would be great," and instantly the other Brittany is sliding her hands up Santana's sides, pulling her t-shirt up and over her head.

Brittany wiggles down the bed, unbuttoning Santana's jeans and pulling them down her thighs. Santana kicks them off, and then Brittany's crawling back up the bed, fingers running along the top of Santana's panties. "This," she says, pressing a teasing kiss to Santana's hipbone, "is about where we were when you rang the doorbell," she shifts slightly, kisses a little lower, and Santana squirms.

"Interrupting is so rude," the clone murmurs, moving off of Santana to undo her bra and throw it in the direction of her jeans on the floor.

Brittany nods, her blond hair brushing over Santana's stomach. "Like if we had to stop right now," she continues, hooking one finger in Santana's panties and pulling them down way, way too slowly.

"Do. Not. Stop," Santana pants out, and that must be the right response, because Brittany doesn't, finally getting Santana naked and positioning herself between Santana's thighs.

Brittany's clone continues to kiss her way down Santana's neck, running her hands through Santana's hair as Brittany goes down on her, and Santana comes quicker than she ever has before, shuddering against both blonds. She barely has a second to recover when the clone Brittany is slithering down her body, pushing Brittany out of the way and saying "My turn!" brightly. She leans down between Santana's legs, licking at that already sensitive spot, and Santana's eyes roll back in her head. Brittany, curled up against Santana's side, remarks to nobody in particular, "I _knew_ this was going to be awesome."

Afterwards, they're cuddled together with Santana in the middle, Brittany petting her hair. As a rule, Santana doesn't cuddle after sex, not even with Brittany really, but she's too satisfied to protest right now.

"That was fun," Brittany's clone says, rubbing Santana's shoulder. "We should totally do that again."

Brittany leans over to kiss her clone on the cheek. "We are going to have _so_ much fun with you around." Then an excited look crosses her face. "I can't wait for you to meet everybody in glee! And Sue and the cheerios, oh, and Mr. Kidney the janitor!"

Whoa, wait, hold up. Santana sits up so fast her head nearly collides with Brittany. She raises a hand. "Okay, look," she says, "we _can't_tell anybody about this."

Brittany looks confused. "About the sex? Or my clone?"

"Oh my god, _neither! _We can't talk about us, _or_ about your clone, _or_ about the weird but awesome clone sex. It has to be a secret." Santana doesn't mean to snap, but her social standing is important and Brittany has to get that.

Brittany and the other Brittany share a look, and then Santana finds herself confronted by two sets of sad blue eyes. "We were talking earlier," Brittany says, "about you."

"Yeah," says the clone. "About why you want to keep everything a secret, even when those things are awesome and you shouldn't be embarrassed."

"I'm not, that's not it!" Santana protests. She's _not_ embarrassed, it's totally true, she just isn't ready to have to deal with homophobic comments and slushies in the face every day at school. Brittany should be worth facing those things, she _knows that,_but every time she thinks about holding her hand in the hallway, she flashes back to what those dicks did to Kurt at prom, how everybody was standing there silently staring at him when his name was called. There's only a year left of highschool, and then her and Brittany could leave Lima behind and go somewhere where they'd be accepted. That's the plan Santana has, anyway, she just hasn't been able to find the words to discuss it with Brittany yet.

"You say you're not embarrassed, and you're not ashamed, but then what is it?" Brittany asks mournfully. "I want to be your girlfriend, what's so hard about that?"

This is it, this is the talk that Santana has been avoiding all summer, and she's certainly not going to do it _now, _not with two Brittanies making sad puppy eyes at her, it's too much to handle.

She grabs her shirt from the floor and tugs it back on, not meeting Brittany's eyes. "I'm sorry," she says, "but I just _can't._ Not yet. I need more _time, _Britt."

"You know we could be so awesome together," Brittany says matter-of-factly. "Like, so awesome that it wouldn't even matter what people said."

Santana swallows hard, suddenly feeling close to tears. She's been rehearsing this conversation all summer, but she never thought it would go down like this, with Brittany all sad and stuff. And also cloning, she didn't plan on _that_ either. "I'm going to go," she says, grabbing her jeans and backing towards the door. "It's not you, I promise, I just don't think I'm ready."

The clone Brittany puts her arm around Brittany's shoulder. "Don't worry," she says quietly, shooting a sharp glance towards Santana. "We can convince her."

Brittany bites her lip for a moment and then nods. The two blonds smile up her and Santana is suddenly very, very sure that she is up against more than she can handle.

* * *

><p>NEXT CHAPTER: Even more clones! Should be up in the next couple of days. Reviews or constructive criticism is always appreciated.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Not Only You and Me**

CHAPTER TWO

The next day, Santana spends the morning trying _not_ to think about Brittany. Not about Brittany's hair, or her eyes, or her breasts, or her clone or the threesome or any of that. Nope, not thinking about it at _all_. Then she spends the better part of the afternoon repeating _do _not_ booty call Brittany for more sexy lady action, do _not, _do _not, do not. Then around 4:00, she sees a commercial for cat food on the tv and the cat looks a vaguelylike Lord Tubbington (like, they're both _cats_), so Santana takes that as a sign and reaches for her phone.

"Hey," she says, trying to sound casual. "Whatcha up to? Do you wanna hang out?" She's totally not nervous, not at all, never mind the fact that yesterday was the first time her and Brittany had hooked up since the beginning of summer. They had mostly been focusing on being best friends, and Santana knew that she would have to come out to take the next step with Brittany, and really, she had been trying to ignore that all summer. Brittany acts like nothing's different though, and invites her over.

Santana rings the doorbell, and once again gets no answer. Letting herself into the Pierce residence, she can see why: Lady Gaga is playing loudly, coming from the direction of Brittany's room.

Santana heads up the stairs and pushes the door to Britt's room open, not bothering to knock. Whatever Brittany's doing, she's seen before, she thinks, but then proves herself wrong the second she gets the door fully open.

It's like a repeat of the other day, except there are even _more_ Brittanies. Six, to be exact. At least nobody is naked this time. One of the blonds looks up and notices Santana standing uncertainly in the doorway.

"Oh, hey!" She calls. "I didn't hear you, come on in!"

The music is so loud, Santana can barely hear. She enters the chaotic room slowly, looking around. There's a Brittany over by the closet, twirling around in Britt's Cheerios uniform. Clothes and hats and shoes are strewn all over the floor. Two more Brittanies sit on the bed, one braiding the other's hair. The Brittany who called her into the room – Santana's _pretty sure_ that's the original Brittany, but she wouldn't bet her life on it – is dancing with two more Brittanies, showing them choreography that they are copying easily.

Santana wanders over to the stereo and turns it down, then sits down on the bed, pushing some furry hats out of the way. "Brittany, _what happened here?"_

"Oh, well." The dancing Brittany stops and looks around, seeming to notice the mess for the first time. "We were having a fashion show! And stuff."

"Yeah, no." Santana shakes her head. "I _mean_ – why are there _six_ of you?"

Brittany looks around the room, lips moving silently, and Santana knows she's counting in her head. She waits.

"Hey, yeah, six!" Brittany grins. "That's a good number."

Santana raises an eyebrow, and Brittany shrugs.

"We had so much fun yesterday with _one_ clone, that I thought it would be even _better_ if there was another!"

"Uh huh," Santana nods skeptically. Sex with Brittany is always great, and their threesome yesterday _had been _super hot, but Santana doesn't think that even _she_ is enough of a pro to handle six hot ladies and all their lady kisses. Brittany's probably not even thinking of sex, though; for all Santana knows, six girls could be the perfect number to start a lacrosse team. Brittany's brain is a mystery to her sometimes.

"And then one of them, her I think," Brittany continues, pointing to the blond in the Cheerios uniform, "got into the machine and made a bunch more."

The Cheerios Brittany looks up and nods happily. "I got lonely!" She explains. "And now I'm _not_ lonely."

Brittany shrugs. "I only left her for like, a second, to go get some snacks."

Cheerios Brittany comes and sits next to Santana on the bed. "I had a really fun time yesterday," she whispers, linking her pinky with Santana's. Okay, so she's the original clone.

"Uh, me too," Santana says awkwardly, taking her hand back. The clone looks a little hurt.

"Hey Brittany?" Santana asks, and six blonde heads whip around to look at her.

"Okay, that's going to get old really fast," she says, and Brittany nods.

"I know, it's pretty confusing. It's super unfortunate that they're all named Brittany."

Santana has a brilliant idea. She jumps up and goes to Brittany's closet. Pulling out various tops and skirts, she announces, "Come help me, we need to color coordinate them!"

Brittany looks at her blankly.

"Oh, um. We need to...dress them like they're a rainbow?" Santana tries to explain in a way Brittany will understand. "Like, okay." She sorts through some clothes and throws them to the Brittany in the Cheerios uniform. "_You_ are now Pink Brittany," she says.

Ten minutes later, and Santana and Brittany step back to admire their handywork. Santana's never been so glad that Brittany likes to dress in all the colors that exist. There's Pink Brittany, and the Brittanies on the bed are now Purple Brittany and Blue Brittany, and the two who were dancing are now Green Brittany and Red Brittany. Everybody seems pretty content with their new clothes.

"What about me?" Brittany asks.

"You can wear whatever you want," Santana says.

Brittany considers that and nods. "Oh, okay."

Pink Brittany frowns. "Can I put the Cheerios uniform back on? I liked it."

"No!" Santana says.

"What if I dye it pink?"

"Oh, that would be _cool,_" says Brittany, her eyes widening.

"No way, not happening." Santana says firmly. She's about to suggest that they, like, dismantle the cloning machine before they end up with _hundreds_ of Brittanies, when she gets interrupted.

"I'm hungry," Green Brittany says.

"Let's go to the mall!" Calls Red Brittany, and all the Brittanies chime in, yelling their approval.

"NO! No mall, no leaving the house, jesus." Santana presses a hand to her forehead. All these blonds are giving her a headache.

"I'll go make us some food," Brittany says, and heads towards the door.

Santana panics for a second. "Don't leave me!" Brittany looks at her. "Not with _them," _ she hisses, looking around at all the blonds. Santana knows she's supposed to be bad ass, but nothing she's seen in Lima Heights Adjacent could prepare her for this.

"Oh, you'll be fine," Brittany grins, and leaves.

Alone with the clones, Santana surveys the room. Five identical blonds stare back at her. Santana controls her panic – handling five Brittanies couldn't be any worse than managing the Cheerios. Like, a room full of hungry girls? _Exactly_ the same as the cheerleaders. Also, Santana has a tiny bit of babysitting experience from watching her neighbor's kids in seventh grade, she can totally handle this.

The blonds are looking at her suspiciously. Santana tries to make her voice as calming as possible. "So," she asks. "What do you guys wanna do? We could, um, color?"

Pink Brittany scoffs. "San, we're not _children."_

"No, wait," Red Brittany pipes up. "_I _want to color, that sounds fun!"

Santana finds some markers and paper in Brittany's desk and hands them over.

Then, suddenly having a flashback to babysitting, she warns, "Only on the paper, okay? Not the walls...or yourself." Red Brittany pouts, but nods.

Triumphant, Santana turns to the other girls. "What about you guys?"

Pink Brittany is staring at her, eyes narrowed. "I think we need to talk." She says.

Brittanies Pink, Green, Purple and Blue come over and seriously join Santana on the bed, so they're sitting in a circle. (Red Brittany continues to color, cross legged on the floor.)

Santana raises an eyebrow, waiting.

"You need to figure your shit out," Pink Brittany says bluntly.

Green Brittany nods in agreement. "You're hurting Britt," she says, "and we know you don't _mean_ to, but you are."

"You should probably stop having sex with her until you're ready to talk about your feelings," Pink Brittany says, and _wow_, she's a lot meaner than the original Brittany.

Santana protests, "Hey, I did _not_plan yesterday, that was all you two!" She's totally innocent, here.

"Well, fine," says Pink Brittany. "But why did you come over today?" Busted. Santana tries not to blush, but does anyway, and Purple Brittany smirks. "Told you!" She says.

They're all looking at her with amused blue eyes, and Santana glares at them. She looks over at Blue Brittany, who's been silent this whole time. "What about you? Do you have anything to add?"

"Oh, I don't know," she says. "Just...what they said. Don't make Brittany sad."

Santana nods. That really_ is _the last thing she wants.

Then the door opens, and the clones shut up abruptly. Brittany's back, carrying a tray of messy sandwiches and some bottles of water. "Okay, I didn't know what everybody liked," she says, "so I made a bunch of sandwiches with all the stuff we had in the fridge. The mustard-banana-cheese ones are actually pretty good."

"That's disgusting," Santana says, but Green Brittany skips over and grabs one excitedly.

They all sit on the floor like a picnic, and Brittany passes out the water and sets the tray of sandwiches in the middle. "This is fun!" she beams at all of them.

Santana picks at one that looks like it has marshmallows in it.

Pink Brittany meets Santana's eyes, and clears her throat discretely. Santana nods, but Pink Brittany keeps going, coughing louder and louder and tilting her head towards Brittany, eyes comically wide.

Brittany looks alarmed. "Are...you okay?"

"She's fine," Santana jumps in quickly, and shoots Pink Brittany a sharp look. "Look, I wanted to talk to you. About yesterday."

"Oh, okay!" Brittany nods.

"It was...really fun," Santana says hesitantly and Brittany grins back at her. "I'm sorry I freaked out a bit afterwards."

"Nah, that's okay," Brittany says. "I get it, I think." And then she frowns thoughtfully and says, "I get why you don't wanna be gay at school, but why can't we be gay _here_ any more? Or at your house? Nobody will know."

Santana shakes her head. "I just can't," she says, "It's not fair to you, having to sneak around for me." Pink Brittany meets her eyes and nods approvingly.

"I really _want_ for us to be together, like at school and stuff, but I'm so scared, Britt. You get that right?" Santana sighs, feeling so shitty, and like none of this is coming out right.

But Brittany reaches over and grabs her hand and smiles gently at her. "It's okay, I get it." She says. "I can wait until you're ready. I can help you."

The sandwiches are mostly all gone, and then clones seem to be getting restless. Red Brittany has gone back to coloring, and Pink Brittany has gotten up and is looking through the closet again. Thank god, Santana couldn't stand the glares she was shooting at her.

"Hey, Santana, you wanna make out?" Santana looks over, and Green Brittany is looking at her expectantly.

"No thanks?" she says, and Brittany giggles.

Green Brittany pouts, and then turns to Blue Brittany beside her. "Do _you_ wanna make out?"

Blue Brittany grins and says, "Sure!" and then leans in and soon the two clones are cuddled together, kissing softly.

"Aw," says Brittany, "that's so cute."

Cute _and _super distracting, Santana thinks. She had more to say to Britts, she's pretty sure, but who can think of that when there's a free show going on right next to them? She was saying something about taking the next step at school, right? Green Brittany is slipping a hand up and under Blue Brittany's shirt, revealing a strip of pale skin. Yeah, Santana's lost her train of thought.

"I should probably get going," Santana says, "but I'll see you tomorrow at school? Or are you staying home with them?"

"No, I'll be there," Brittany says. "I have a test."

Santana gets up and heads toward the door, but before she leaves, something occurs to her. "Britts?" she asks.

Brittany looks up at her expectantly.

"You need to take apart the cloning machine. Or turn it off, or something. No more clones, okay?"

"No, no more," Brittany agrees. "Six of me is confusing enough."

One _of you is confusing enough_, Santana thinks, and slips out the door.

* * *

><p>NEXT CHAPTER: the clones go to schooooool! McKinley High will never be the same.<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Not Only You and Me**

CHAPTER THREE

Things seem normal at school the next day, Santana and Brittany have early morning Cheerios practice and they don't really get a chance to talk, Sue's working them too hard. They split up at their lockers, and when Santana sees Brittany talking to Finn and Rachel while she's walking to her first class she thinks it's weird because a) it's Finn and _Rachel, _ and b) Brittany changed out of her cheerios uniform and that is _strictly _against Sue's rules. Then she turns the corner and sees Brittany _again, _leaning up against the lockers and giggling at something Puck said.

Shit. _Shit, shit shit. _Santana whirls around and runs back through the hallways, every blond catching her eye. Finally she finds the blond she's been looking for, Brittany in her cheerios uniform, coming out of the girl's room.

"_Britt!" _she shrieks, and if she sounds a little hysterical, it's only because she _is. _

Brittany startles, and looks at her with wide eyes. "Hi! What?"

"You brought the _clones_," Santana hisses, looking around to make sure nobody was listening. "You brought them to _school_, what were you _thinking?"_

"They were bored," Brittany shrugs, like that's normal. "Plus, I thought they could, like, go to my classes for me. That's cool."

"But, but," Santana stutters, and then gets herself together. "Somebody is going to _notice, _Britts, I thought we were keeping this a secret."

Brittany just smiles at her fondly. "Really, San?" she asks. "You think people will notice if _I'm_ doing something weird?"

And...well. Santana doesn't really have anything to say to that.

"I have it all worked out!" Brittany says brightly. "_I_ went to cheerios practice this morning, obviously, and they're going to go to all my classes, and I'll go to glee at the end of the day! And they're still wearing their colors, and I told them to answer to "Brittany" and that if anybody gives them weird looks then they're probably doing things right, because I get weird looks all the time! Oh, and I drew them maps in case they get lost, AND I made them little cards with important stuff on it, like which girls we don't like and the number for 911 in case something bad happens."

Santana blinks. This is the most prepared Brittany's been for anything, probably _ever. _She almost feels a little bad for doubting her.

"Wow," Brittany sighs. "That was a _lot_ of talking. I think I'm going to go nap in the nurse's office now. See you at lunch!"

Before Santana can respond, the blond whirls away and heads down the hallway.

Santana reluctantly attends all her morning classes, none of which are with Brittany. It's driving her _crazy,_ thinking about what the clones could be getting up to. There's access to like, chemicals and shit in the science lab, for gods sake, and she doesn't feel like escaping an explosion today. By third period, she can't take it anymore. She tells Mr. Green she's going to the bathroom, and leaves with out waiting for a hall pass. Like anybody would stop her in the hall way, _hello_, she's Santana Lopez.

Her first stop is Brittany's class, she has art third period, so that shouldn't be too much of a train wreck. She peers in the window in the classroom door, and Red Brittany is there, coloring. Oh, hey, that actually makes a lot of sense, and nobody's on fire or anything.

Alright, so, next stop. Santana doesn't really know where to look next. Four other Brittany clones are in the school _somewhere, _where would they go? She wanders the hallways aimlessly, peeking in empty classrooms, but things seem strangely...normal. (Well, there _is _a bright pink bra hung on the door knob of the Teacher's Lounge, but that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with Brittany..._right?_ Santana can't quite bring herself to check inside.) She wanders outside, to check under the bleachers, and behind the school where her and Brittany sometimes hang out when they're skipping class, but no luck. She circles around and is walking back through the parking lot when something catches her eye. A familiar blond ponytail, attached to a familiar blond. And unfortunately, that blond is with Puck, in his truck, and they are _definitely_ not talking. Santana approaches cautiously, then crouches down behind a car so nobody spots her. Puck's shirtless, Brittany's shirtless, they're pressed together in the back seat right here in the parking lot where _anybody _could see.

Santana stands up and backs away slowly, breaking into a run when she's far enough away from the truck. By the time she reaches the school's front doors, she realizes she's started to cry. _So stupid, _she mutters to herself, brushing the tears away angrily, then goes to the bathroom and locks herself in a stall to sob hysterically.

She flips the toilet lid down and sits in the stall, feeling angry and stupid and sorry for herself, like _hello, _that wasn't even _her_ Brittany, she knows that. (Right? No, of course, she _knows _Brittany would never.) But it sucks major balls _anyway. _The bell rings, signalling the end of the period, and Santana ignores it. Fuck, she left all her stuff in Mr. Green's classroom, she'll have to go get it eventually. She stays in the bathroom stall while some girls come in to touch up their make up – it's not like she's _hiding, _she's just...avoiding. Everything.

Then one of the girls at the mirror speaks up. "Did you _see_ Brittany Pierce in the hallway?" she asks her friend. The other girl scoffs. "I _know, _what a _slut._"

Something in Santana snaps. She bangs the stall door open, and strides out, fully aware that her mascara is running and she probably has a serious case of crazyface. It doesn't even matter right now. "Listen up, whores," she snarls, and then realizes she has nothing else to say. It's not like this is the first time Brittany has been called a slut, Santana and Brittany hear that all the time, really. "Slut" is pretty much synonymous with "Cheerio", Quinn being the exception to the rule. And Brittany's pretty proud of her perfect record. _But, _the point is, Santana is _mad_ and these bitches are stupid, so. Santana punches one of them in the face and yells "Yeah, you _best_ run!" at the other girl as she races out of the bathroom, abandoning her friend with the bloody nose.

Strangely, the punching actually makes Santana feel a _lot_ better. She washes her hands at the sink and fixes up her makeup, pulls her ponytail tight and smooths down her Cheerios uniform. All she has to do is make it through the day without killing anybody, no problem. Hopefully, that means that if Puck knows what's good for him, he'll stay _far_away from her.

The next time she sees Brittany – or well, _not_ Brittany – it's in Geography class, one of the only classes they have together. Purple Brittany wanders in and sits down beside her, and things seem to be going pretty well. Teachers usually know not to call on Brittany, at least not if they want to spend twenty minutes answering questions that are usually_ not_related to the class. Plus, the teachers at McKinley seem so bored with their jobs, Santana wonders why she thought any of them would notice at all. Halfway through class, Mrs. Hagberg leaves to go make some photocopies and Purple Brittany turns to her.

"Today has been really fun," she whispers.

Sure, if fun now means stressful. "That's great for you," Santana hisses back. Was she the one making out with Puck? Santana can't tell. Should she be mad on principle, just in case? She's thinking about asking about it when Mandi, a Cheerio sitting at the desk in front of them, turns around.

"OMG Brittany!" she exclaims. "That dress is sooo cute, where did you get it?"

There's a pause as Purple Brittany looks down at the dress. Santana considers answering for her, but she's a little curious herself. She was there when Britt bought that dress, but does the clone have those same memories? Does she remember shopping with Santana that day during summer vacation? More importantly, does she remember making out in the changing room a little bit, Santana smoothing the dress down Brittany's side and whispering "I love that color on you," as Brittany giggled and batted her hands away. Santana blushes, pushing those thoughts away. But Purple Brittany just shrugs and says, "From the dryer?"

Santana laughs, and tries to cover it up by coughing. Mandi looks confused.

Luckily, Mrs. Hagberg comes back, putting an end to any more questions.

As Mandi turns back around, Purple Brittany nudges Santana's side and whispers, "Was that okay? I didn't know what to say."

"Yeah," Santana whispers back. "That was good." Then – fuck it, she has to know – "Have you seen Puck today?"

Purple Brittany looks confused. "No, why?"

Santana shakes her head, whispering "forget it." Purple Brittany is her favorite clone, she decides, sliding her paper across the desk so the clone can copy her answers.

By the end of the day, the rumor mill is exploding. The center of all rumors is clearly Brittany: Brittany was seen sneaking into the boys locker room. Brittany was hanging out with Mr. Kidney the janitor instead of being in class fourth period. More than one girl was seen crying because Brittany was making out with their boyfriend. Brittany was trying to free all the frogs from the science lab, _again. _An interesting mural of ponies running through a field was drawn on the girls room wall; Brittany was seen wandering around with some markers. A mysterious fire was set under the bleachers, but really, that could've been _any number _of McKinley students. Bored teenagers in Ohio were strangely prone to setting fires.

Santana takes all of that in stride, and reminds herself she doesn't have _time_ to punch every person who's talking about Brittany. Her hand couldn't take it, anyway, her knuckles are already looking a little bruised from that girl's face earlier.

Brittany meets her in glee club at the end of the day. They sit in the back, like usual, and Santana catches Brittany up on the day in hushed tones while Mr. Schue talks about something up at the front. She doesn't mention catching Puck and one of the clones, but she _does_ note that Puck is shooting her fearful glances. Damn right, he should be scared. She glares at him and feels a little better when he turns bright red and quickly looks away from her eyes.

There's a lull in the group discussion and Santana looks up to notice Rachel staring at them strangely. "Brittany, how many times have you changed today? I swear, every time I see you you're wearing a different outfit."

Everybody turns in their chairs to look at them. Brittany opens her mouth and Santana feels a wave of panic. Brittany is pretty much incapable of lying, she's going to blow it for sure. Santana grabs her hand quickly to shut her up and jumps in. "She's practicing," she tells Rachel, making sure to sound like it should be _obvious, _"for if she ever has to host the Music Video Awards." That sounds pretty believable, something Brittany _would_ do.

Rachel definitely buys it, nodding and leaning over to Kurt. "That's a _really _good idea," she hisses, and god, Santana can hear her whisper from the back of the choir room. "Quick costume changes are _vital_ to our Broadway careers, not to mention all the opportunities we'll get afterwards."

Mr. Schue calls for their attention, and everybody looks back to the front of the room. Santana breathes a sigh of relief, and when Brittany leans in a little closer to whisper "thanks, San," Santana notices that they're still holding hands. She stares down at their tangled fingers until Mr. Schue excuses them for the day.

* * *

><p>NEXT CHAPTER: A performance in glee club! Because what's the point of clones if you can't form an awesome girl pop group, seriously.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

**Not Only You and Me**

(Author's Note: Odear, this took forever, my apologies! I write really slowly, and apparently my brain goes on hiatus as often as glee does.)

* * *

><p>CHAPTER FOUR<p>

The next day at school, Santana is feeling a little calmer, determined not to let this clone business throw her. Her and Brittany have a quick conversation after Cheerios practice in the locker room, keeping their voices low so nobody overhears them.

"Things are going pretty good, I think," says Brittany. She pauses a little to consider, and then adds, "Green Brittany and Blue Brittany keep switching clothes, I think they might be in love."

"How great for them," Santana mutters, brushing her hair back into a neat ponytail.

"It is, they're totally cute," Brittany agrees, totally missing Santana's sarcasm. She's putting on more concealer under her eyes, covering up dark circles.

"You look tired," Santana points out.

"Yeah," Brittany sighs. "It's just the clones. Like, we're all sleeping in my bed and it's not very big and we didn't get very much sleep last night."

Santana narrows her eyes. What does _that_ mean? Getting no sleep because there's no room to get comfortable is one thing, but what if Brittany means they're not sleeping because they're busy doing _sexy _things? Santana knows it's stupid to be jealous of Brittany essentially hooking up with herself, but she totally is anyway.

"Oh shoot, I gotta run," Brittany suddenly says. "I have to go talk to Ms. Pillsbury, apparently she's concerned about some stuff she heard about me, I don't know."

Santana nods. Ms. Pillsbury gets concerned about Brittany about once a week; in Santana's opinion she needs to mind her own business. "Don't tell her," Santana reminds Brittany. "About the clones, remember?"

Brittany nods, and wanders out of the locker room.

* * *

><p>Santana's walking to her her second class of the day when a classroom door opens and she's pulled inside abruptly. She yelps in surprise and then Brittany is there, grinning at her.<p>

Hi!" Brittany says brightly, kicking the door closed and pushing Santana up against the wall.

"Hi?" Santana says. "What's wrong, did something happen with the clones?"

"No, everything's fine," Brittany says. "I just wanted to be alone with you." She leans in and nuzzles at Santana neck, and it feels really nice and all, but they're at _school. _Students are walking past them in the hallway, anybody might look in the window and _see. _

Brittany slides her hands down Santana's back and runs her fingers along the top of Santana's cheerios skirt. Santana sighs, her body relaxing into Brittany's. "We can't do this here," she protests feebly.

"Everybody will be in class soon," Brittany says, "it's okay. Don't you trust me?"

And well, that's just a _stupid_ question. Of course Santana trusts Brittany, that's not even the point at all. It's everybody _else_ and their stupid opinions and their judgments that Santana doesn't trust.

"Duh, I trust you. It's just-" and then she's silenced by Brittany's mouth on hers, like Brittany is taking that as her cue to go ahead with what she's doing. They kiss for a little bit, Brittany's lips soft against hers, Brittany smoothing her palm along Santana's back, up under her cheerios top. Santana finds herself lost in the moment, focused only on Brittany's lips and hands, and then those hands start sliding up her thighs, under her skirt, tugging her underwear out of the way.

A door slams, sounding _way _too close, and Santana starts, pulling away from Brittany abruptly. "Sorry," she says, her voice sounding breathless and strange. Brittany looks good, all flushed and disheveled, and Santana really wishes she didn't care, but the possibility of someone catching them is way too real and she just can't.

"I can't," she she says, her only explanation that's not even an explanation at all, but she knows that Brittany gets it.

Brittany nods at her and Santana gratefully kisses her quickly before slipping out the door, heading off to the bathroom to fix her hair up before heading to class.

* * *

><p>Brittany's not there when glee club starts, and Santana has to sit through Mr. Schue talking about really boring stuff with out whispering to Brittany, and then <em>Rachel<em> starts talking about equally boring stuff and Santana has nobody to make fun of her with, so she tunes her out and files her nails instead.

That works until Rachel cuts off abruptly, and Santana looks up to see what _finally _silenced Berry. Rachel's eyes grow comically wide and Santana glances over to where she's looking and – oh shit. _Oh no._ Brittany is striding through the door, clones trailing behind her. They're all dressed in somewhat matching outfits; short denim skirts and low-cut tank tops and, of course, various hats. "Hey guys, hey Mr. Schue!" Brittany says brightly. Santana sinks down in her seat. "I wanted to sing a song, is that cool?"

Mr. Schue just stares at her in disbelief.

Brittany seems to take that as a yes, and turns to the rest of the glee club. "Okay, so. We are Brittany and the Brittanies." There's a pause, and then she adds softly, "I'm Brittany." Santana looks around, ready for a trainwreck, but the glee club just looks confused.

Brittany motions to the band, and music starts up. Santana recognizes the song instantly as Brittany sings _"I know you like me, I know you do," _looking right at Santana. It's "Don't Cha" by the Pussycat Dolls and Santana has to resist the urge to cover her face with her hands because Brittany is the _least _subtle person ever. The only way this could be more obviously gay is if they were singing "I Kissed a Girl" and for all Santana knows, that's coming up next.

The clones are really well choreographed, which makes sense because they're all great dancers like Brittany, and as the song moves into the chorus, their dance moves stray into stripper territory. Not that any clothing is coming off, but there's a lot of thrusting happening. And some ass shaking, which Santana would normally appreciate, but not in front of the whole glee club. The boys all look pretty impressed though, Puck is practically drooling. As the song finishes up, he breaks out into loud applause, and the rest of the glee club slowly joins in.

Brittany grins at everybody shyly and then climbs up the steps to sit down in her usual place by Santana. The clones follow, gathering around then. The choir room is unusually silent for a moment, all eyes on the Brittanies. Santana's debating whether she should burst into hysterical tears first, or maybe start with threatening and end with tears, when Puck breaks the silence for her.

"That makes so much _sense!"_ he exclaims. "Like, that there's a bunch of her," he elaborates when everyone turns to look at him. "I was _wondering_ why Santana wasn't killing me for macking on her girl," he mutters, shooting her a grin.

_Dammit, Puckerman._ "What? She's...not my girl," Santana protests half-heartedly, and Brittany gives her knee a little pat.

Rachel stands up, looking confused. "Okay, I need to know exactly _what_ happened, now."

Brittany shrugs. "I tried to build a time machine but then I cloned myself instead. It happens."

Rachel narrows her eyes. "But...how? How does this machine work? I don't understand, what happened?"

"I don't know, science?" Brittany shrugs again, but Rachel's not satisfied.

"_Elaborate," _she says, her voice going all shrill.

"Okay..." Brittany scrunches up her face in thought, and then says, "I hooked some stuff up and science. Science happened."

Rachel starts to say something else and Santana rolls her eyes and cuts her off.

"Seriously, Berry, you know she can't explain it, give it up."

Rachel sighs, and sits back down. Next to her, Finn looks even dopier that usual. "Science has never been so sexy," he says, staring over at the clones, and Purple Brittany blows him a kiss. Rachel elbows him, but doesn't necessarily look like she disagrees.

Beside Finn, Artie starts to laugh. "That is amazing," he says and Brittany nods back at him happily. "Only you, Brittany," he says with a shrug, and then

Mercedes starts to giggle too. "Yeah, cloning, like it's no big deal when you're Brittany Pierce," she chokes out.

"Do you remember," Kurt asks from the back of the room, "that week in third grade when she wore that wizard costume to school every day?" Santana looks over sharply but he's not being snarky, he's smiling fondly over at Britt.

"Or in sixth grade, when she convinced the rest of the class that mixing Sweet Tarts and Cream Soda gave her magical candy powers," Tina adds, smiling at the memory.

Puck starts to laugh too. "Remember that time when she brought that goat to school and it ate that nerd's glasses?"

"Puck, that was me," Artie sighs. "And that was last week, shut up."

"I am _still _so sorry, the goat was having a bad day," Brittany calls out, and the group breaks out into laughter again.

Santana finally relaxes a little bit, looking around at the glee club. That's _it, _really? She was expecting a little more confusion, more questions, more..._something. _Maybe Brittany was right about them being a family. Santana has always firmly believed that family is something you can choose, that you make for herself. Her own parents are...fine enough, they're around to offer money or vague affection and all the freedom she wants, so it works out. She choose Brittany as her _real_ family a long time ago, and she thought Brittany was all that she needed. But now she's starting to think that maybe, just by making the choice to keep coming to glee club despite the slushies or humilation, that they've _all_ chosen each other as another kind of family.

As the bell rings and they all pack up their stuff to leave, Santana feels kind of fond of the rest of the glee club. Like, she's not about to start making fucking friendship bracelets or anything, but she can admit...they don't completely suck.

She's about to comment on this to Brittany, when Britt says, "So. Did you like my song, it was totally for you."

"I did, Britt-Britt, you guys rocked it."

"But, like," Brittany widens her eyes. "Did you _get _it? It was about how I think you're super hot and how we should be hot girlfriends."

Santana looks around quickly, but everyone has already left the choir room for the day, it's just her and Brittany and all the _other_ Brittanies milling around. She smiles. "I _totally_ got that, Britt, don't worry. I pretty much got it this morning when you were dry-humping me, you sort of need to practice your subtlety."

Brittany looks confused, and Santana assumes she's going to ask what 'subtlety' means so she's trying to think up a Brittany-friendly definition when Brittany asks, "dry-humping you _when_ this morning? What?"

Brittany's not one to forget their hookups, so Santana says, "uh, earlier today? In that empty classroom?" but even as she's saying it, she knows that something is not right.

Brittany's face falls instantly, a heartbreaking effect. "That wasn't me," she says softly.

"Oh. Shit," Santana says, it's the only thing she can _think of _to say, and then Brittany starts to cry. "I didn't know!" She says desperately, trying to grab Brittany's hand. Brittany pulls away.

"You _should've _known," Brittany says angrily. "I'm waiting for you to figure your stuff out and you keep saying you love me and you want to be with me so yeah, you should've known." She whirls away and runs out of the choir room.

Santana is left with the five clones, who look shocked and worried. She glares at all of them, feeling horrible and stupid and _so pissed. _"I hate...one of you," she snarls, the scary effect probably lessened by the fact that she doesn't know which clone she should be directing it at, "and when I figure out _which one of you _it is, you will be _so sorry."_

The clones just give her wounded looks, and Santana sighs. Brittany was right, she probably should've been able to tell, somehow, and while she _is_ mad at...one of the clones, she's mostly just mad at herself.

* * *

><p>NEXT CHAPTER: Santana makes things up to Brittany, and our wacky clone journey comes to an end. I'm pretty sure the next chapter's going to be the last one, unless things get long. Thank you to everybody who's read or commented or favorited so far, you guys are all AWESOME.<p> 


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